If your spouse abuses you, ending the marriage is probably the best way to achieve long-term safety. However, many abusers are also expert manipulators and accompany physical abuse with psychological abuse that can leave their victims scared to leave.
Your safety, and that of any children you have, should be your priority when considering divorce. You need to find a way to do it that does not put you at even greater risk of harm.
Being somewhere else first is often wise
Many people in such a difficult situation choose to get out of town and away from their spouse before breaking the news they are filing for divorce. Think about who could offer you a safe place to stay and the emotional support you will need. Some charities can help here if no one springs to mind.
A protection order can also be wise
A court may issue a protection order against your spouse, to prevent them from approaching you. This might allow you to stay in your current home. However, be prepared for your spouse to challenge the order by claiming you are lying. Or for the possibility they ignore it altogether and cause you harm before the police can intervene.
Children will complicate the situation
There is nothing illegal about moving away from your spouse. If however, you have children and take them with you, your spouse might go to the police and accuse you of kidnapping the children.
You’ll also need to think about the kids missing school and perhaps wanting to see their other parents. Kids often continue to love or even worship a parent, even when they see firsthand how badly that parent treats their other parent.
Think about your finances
You’ll need to be able to buy food and pay other costs and should be prepared for your spouse trying to cut off your access to the bank accounts or credit cards. Some people choose to put money aside first.
There is no one-size-fits-all solution for how to divorce an abusive spouse. It can certainly be challenging, but when staying in the marriage is unsafe, it could turn out to be the best thing you ever do. In all circumstances, seeking legal guidance (ideally without your spouse finding out) is crucial.
